Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
