it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
