Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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