I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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