my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
