she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
