apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
