when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
