u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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