I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
