Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
