rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if only i could text you this smell
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
