So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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