Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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