Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
