even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize