I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
