ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize