dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
