when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
