oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
