Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize