paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
