if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
