he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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