I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
