Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
