Betty ford says i'm here all night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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