Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
