I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
