I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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