she looked like the bat from fern gully.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
