I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
