I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
