Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
