I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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