had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
