How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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