and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
