Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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