don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
