you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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