This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
