I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
