barbara walters just said penis...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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