she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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