I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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