My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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