We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my shit smells like andre
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
