Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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