I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
