I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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