I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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