I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
