FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't think brook has ever known best
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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