He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Let's paint friendship bongs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
