I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
