I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize