I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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