you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
