Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His hands were made for my vagina.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
