maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
