I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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