I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
