worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
