i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
