Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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