By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you win again, gameday.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
