You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
