What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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