I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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