S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
