Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
