you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
