dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
