My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
